I would like to alert the world in general to the existence of Cadbury’s Caramel Biscuits. Cadbury’s Caramel, as we all know, is a chocolate treat that sits in the central point of a Venn diagram composed of the three prime qualities of confectionary; Good, Right, and True.
Cadbury’s Caramel is Goodness, Righteousness and Truth.
Cadbury’s Caramel Biscuits, however, exist in a place known only as “toilet-ass-fail”.
I’m not sure how this has happened. Generally speaking, biscuit, caramel and chocolate are difficult to combine in a manner that anyone would describe as a “failure”, much less one associated with the scatalogical contexts of both “ass” and “toilet” but nevertheless Cadbury’s have managed it. I dread to think of how badly they’ve fucked up the sister product, Crunchie Biscuits, although I suspect we might have to draw the word “cloaca” out into the light, blinking and trembling in its shame. Mind you, given the general lack of cloaca knowledge possessed by the general populace, the less exact but more descriptive “combo-hole” might be appropriate.
In short; Epic Biscuit Fail.
How could you, Cadbury? How could you?